The Phoenix Emerges

This is a moment I’ve been debating for a significant period of time. How to publicly declare that I’ve moved on from an old life that people once associated me with? Did I even need to do this? Maybe not. I’ve known that people would make assumptions about what happened in my past and how I got to be where I am today. Sometimes life is messy and doesn’t always play out the way we hope and plan on our own. I’ve had to overcome the judgement and speculation of many people who chose to believe one story as fact, not considering the other perspective, before choosing what they believed.  These situations have brought me to this moment and feeling the need to make a more detailed, public declaration about a recent change in my life.

Even though my life may not align with the version people believe should have happened, it does not mean that this path isn’t the path that God has in mind for me.

God designed me and He knows my true heart like no other can. I have full confidence that I’m on the path in pursuit of His heart and on a path that will bring glory to Him. That is my first priority and passion in this life and I will continue to live for Him.

I know that people will continue to make their own speculations. God has brought me to a place of knowing that those who choose to make these assumptions without caring to ask about my experience, trying to stand in my shoes, or to see from my perspective are not really my true friends and do not love unconditionally.

I don’t like to sit and dwell on the negatives in life. They hold us back from reaching our full potential and becoming who we were created to be. God has been working diligently in my life for the last few years to bring about changes in me and for my future that I never would have imagined were even possible. I hold tight to every good work that He does in me and in my life because it pushes me forward to who God has envisioned as the person that I can become.

If any of you read my blog post from February about my baptism, you’d remember the complete hopelessness I experienced after my world crumbled around me. I never thought I’d come out of that but God showed himself to me after I hit rock bottom and ever since that moment I’ve been chasing after Him. Being told repeatedly that my dreams had to die in order to continue in my previous life finally killed a part of me that I couldn’t bring back. I begged God for His help and instead of the help I was requesting, He revealed Himself to me in a very tangible way and told me to focus on Him, that my dreams were worth living for and following because He is the one who put them in my heart. Through my pursuit of His heart and His word, I gained knowledge on how unhealthy my previous situation was and what He wants for each of us in His design. (Please read my baptism and testimony for a deeper understanding of my backstory if you need more information) 

I can’t ask anyone to understand my situation and I don’t expect anyone to. I don’t feel the need to explain myself but I do want to provide my friends and acquaintances with enough information from myself directly so that you aren’t left to make assumptions or to be a part of rumors.

I expected to come out of that situation with nothing but my relationship with God. I imagined and prepared myself to lose every friendship and relationship in my life beyond my parents. I’m incredibly blessed to have parents, family, and a few close friends who love me and support me and I am indescribably thankful for them. I’ve lost many friendships and relationships that I thought were stronger than they were and I had some relationships falter and evolve but still stand today even though I didn’t expect them to at all.

One friend in particular refused to abandon me and chose to support my decisions to pursue a life for better mental health, safety and above all other things pushed me to continue to pursue God and His purpose for my life during a time of healing, learning and overcoming my past. Even before knowing any details, this friend chose to give me the benefit of the doubt and stand by my side blindly, despite assumptions and painful obstacles.

I am so grateful for his friendship and support. We were already good friends but through each of us facing trials of uncertainty, confusion and hopelessness, a bond formed between us as we clung together and supported each other while also pushing each other to become better people who live for Jesus. Our relationship evolved into a deep friendship that I never imagined was possible. I had never considered that anything more could come from our friendship. I’m so thankful that I had an open mind after making some difficult decisions for myself to have a future in which I could pursue the dreams that God placed in my heart.

This friend has become my best friend, but he’s so much more than that. He encourages me to chase after Jesus and holds me accountable. He pushes me to become a better person and to serve others. He makes me laugh every moment we have with each other and he comforts me in the hardest moments too. He listens to my heart and cares about my dreams. He wants to help me pursue my dreams as I want to help him pursue his. He is patient with me despite our differences and he is quick to forgive in moments of misunderstanding or miscommunication. We complement each other in so many ways and encourage each other to become better individuals by improving our weaknesses and even our strengths. He is my best friend and has demonstrated unconditional love to me throughout all of the time we’ve known each other. He is eager to protect my heart and he has also chosen to pursue it with intention for a shared future.

I’m excited to say that God has brought me to a place of happiness and certainly one that I never imagined for myself. Tim makes me happy. A genuine happiness that I never thought could ever be obtainable for me. I am incredibly thankful for him, for his presence in my life, for his friendship, for his love for me and especially for his love for Jesus and his desire to pursue Him together. God has changed my life in countless ways throughout the last few years and while some of the process entailed the most painful moments of my life, I’m also now seeing the beauty of God’s work in my life. God can take something ugly, broken and destroyed and as you relinquish all control to Him, He takes the broken and makes it new and even more beautiful than before, like a Phoenix rising from the ashes.

Many of you don’t know Tim because you may only know me, and for you this is just interesting news about an update in my life. Some of you do know both of us through church, other organizations, or circumstances we’ve all been involved in together at some time. This may be a surprise to you and/or you may have questions. Tim and I both want to encourage you to feel free to reach out to us for direct communication to answer any of your questions.
We wanted to share our recent news despite worry or fear of the judgements and criticisms of others because we are excited for the future. Those worries and fears are what would keep us from receiving this promise fulfilled in our lives.
We will be a very powerful couple in His kingdom. I’m claiming that. I want to help bring heaven to meet Earth together. I want to pursue God together and grow His kingdom. I know that we can and we will.

We’re very excited for the future and excited to share our news with you! We appreciate all of the support and encouragement that we’ve already received from so many of you, what we may continue to receive and are so thankful for each and every one of you who have chosen to be a part of our lives.

❤ Arika

***Additional Side Note***
If I could pass on something I’ve learned (repeatedly) throughout the last 2 years it’s that we have to ignore our fears due to anticipation of the physical and emotional experiences that may come because of what others may think or say. Together we need to focus on what God says, on what He’s promised us and we can further His kingdom together while pushing through and overcoming those fears.

More importantly I’ve learned to rely on God’s faithfulness and His promises. He gives you dreams and promises for your life that He will fulfill. Some dreams come from our earthly desires or personal ambitions but some are from Him and He wants to fulfill those dreams in your life. It’s difficult to grasp that idea and to hold onto it fully believing that it will come to pass when it seems completely impossible and nowhere near within sight. He will fulfill His promises over your life in His timing. Not only will He be faithful in fulfilling these promises but they will be much better than you could ever comprehend or imagine for yourself. Be patient. Wait for His timing because He is faithful.

I’ve seen the destruction that comes from trying to put your life together without God. The devastation that comes from forcing pieces to go together without having Him at the center. I’ve experienced this firsthand. I’ve taken things into my own control first because I didn’t know God and secondly because once I knew of Him, I didn’t know Him truly, didn’t believe He could care about my life or my circumstances, didn’t trust Him to take care of me or of my future because I didn’t truly know Him or the depth of His love for us. I have been hurt until broken to immeasurable depths because of this mistake in my life but I have also caused pain to others without meaning to and often with the intention of sparing them pain. Life doesn’t have to always be this way.

There is freedom in relinquishing your control over your life and giving it to God. So much freedom. The life you are trying to create on your own, no matter how great, still truly pales in comparison to the life God wants to give you. His provision is more than enough and more than you could ever plan for our dream for yourself. I know that’s hard to believe if you’re standing anywhere near where I was two years ago, but His love for you is greater than you could ever imagine. He wants to give you the desires of your heart and so much more than you could imagine. I encourage you to seek Him if you’re ready. I’m also more than happy to help you out answer questions if you have any!!!